Tag Archive: laugh


May 6th, 2014.

via May 6th, 2014.

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Mom’s Notes

Melissa, it’s going on 4 months now and you are constantly on my mind.  I’m not sure if it is just because Mother’s Day is 4 days from now or what.  But it is a nagging feeling just encompassing me day and night.

The days just pass by so quickly.  It just doesn’t seem like I have enough time in the day to accomplish much of anything.  I still need to get the kids room cleaned up, get their clothes sorted and take some up to the store.  We still need a date for a yard sale.  All of your things are still in the shop.  And I want to move.  You know I need to move.   For our sake and the kids.  You are all around us here, but in a good way.  I’m just so sad here because of all the circumstances.  We all need to start over.  The kids love to come “home”, yet they still will not sleep in their room.  I understand and so we just continue to make a big pallet in the living room.  This is another reason why we need to move on.  We need a place that we can all be at peace together. 

Your picture hangs in front of me still, every day, every moment I am here I see your face smiling back at me.  You know how I wish it was you in person.  I miss you so much.  I am now having such a hard time with it.  I hate to cry, hate it, hate it.  You know I hold it all in and yet I hate that to.  There just isn’t much I can do either way to make things better.  Yet wait for the next day to come and the next and the next and wait for that one year mark so that I can look back and say one year has passed.  It is just a milestone to get me through, that’s all.

So many things to say and this is the best way I know how to do it.  I’ve been thinking about a blog……not sure I want everything in public view.  I don’t really think it matters anymore, who cares other than maybe there are others that just don’t know how to perceive the pain that comes from losing a child….again.  I only have 2 comforts at this point.  Knowing you are both together and knowing that you are with Christ.

You know that Audrey has been calling and texting me to check on me.  God bless her.  The friends die off after a while.  They just assume you are doing better and I just lie when they do call.  I don’t like for anyone else to feel sad.

Michelle has been a God send all the way around.  She keeps up with me in more ways than one and realizing I need to keep up with her more.  She helps to keep me focused and a swift kick in the rear when I need it, but you know I do the same for her.  The nagging feeling is gone so I suppose it was for me to call Michelle.   We seem to feed off of each other but in a good way.  I know we were led to be friends and stay connected all these years. For this one purpose if not for the future.  Send your peace her way, she needs a little of your “redneck” about now.

…Jeff came by a few days ago, I guess you know that.  I’m not sure what his full intentions were.  He talked to us for a while and your Dad had to go outside.  I know it was a bit rude but then again he just can’t take too much conversation over any of it.  Jeff wanted to go into your room.  I let him, but went with him.  He said he could “smell” you.  I know exactly what he meant.  Your “scent” is still in the room.  A beautiful, pleasing, soft scent.  I love walking in your room.

Just the first of many that I can say “I started.”

I love you.

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