Tag Archive: inspiration


May 6th, 2014.

via May 6th, 2014.

Advertisements

Our challenges are still like a mountain. The in depth pain of loosing my Munchkin was and still just seems like a dream. I keep wanting to just wake up and it was all a bad dream. A long, bad dream.

But it isn’t. I know it is reality and so I get up every day, put on a smile and go to work. I have to say I am thankful and blessed that I can still work at home, but my career involves me motivating people, training them and talking to my own customers. Try being the “perky person” during a season of emotional devastation. All I can say here is I have some really good friends!

Enough of that. I have made it, I am stronger and I will survive it!

How did I do it?

By seeing her in that one dream really touched me, internally. I felt a glimpse of the peace she was in. Unimaginable peace and the true definition of what God is.  I have never in my life ever had that kind of “feeling” like I did in my dream, and when I awoke.   I can still close my eyes and put myself back in that dream and feel those moments.  That is why it is so strange to speak of it, because I was not the same person as I am here.   Here I have the stress of daily life in my dream, there was no such thing.  Total peace.

It really boils down to Positive brings Positive and Negative brings Negative. Positive is Christ and all that he is and all that he offers.

One of my really good friends put it to me this way. “It isn’t meant that we are NOT to have,” because it is written that all you have to do is “Ask and it shall be.” It doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve something, it just means that what you are asking for is sometimes NOT what is meant to be for you! That if you put all of your faith in Christ and trust that faith, that Christ will lead your life into the right direction. We may call it “rewards,” but I would rather see it as positive attracting positive.

When we try to lead our own lives is where we get into trouble. Some times the path’s we are wanting to take do not have the best outcomes and yet we will fight our way to get it. When so many obstacles stand in our way, we try to see those as adversity and IF we try to overcome it, we will get what we want.

But IF you look at WHY those obstacles are in front of you to begin with…….you might come to realize that it  is Christ trying to steer you clear of what IS not meant for you! That it will only bring you unhappiness and emotional or physical trauma. IF you were to view those obstacles that were set in front of you as “a sign,” possibly one you were asking for but blind because it was not what YOU wanted, your life would of went on to a more positive path!

All of this is hard. It is hard to see what is right in front of our eyes. Because we are greedy in wanting certain things. But if we listened to our hearts and our own “inner feelings” we would come out way ahead.

I am guilty of this. But I like to FEEL the goodness that is upon and bestowed upon me every single day. When I do that, I feel wonderful! When I let the emotions try to take over, or my worries then I stress and get sad and burdened. Letting go of this and trusting that it will all be taken care of will lift your spirit to new heights, new beginnings and new wonderment into your own life.

I say this because I am guilty of it, but also because it lead to my Munchkin fighting for what she wanted or thought she wanted. When she stood on her own two feet and dug her heels in and put her faith and believe back in Christ, she glowed! Wonderful things came her way. When she tried to go back to what led her to the misery, she perished.

It is a daily, physical and emotional devotion so to speak, to hold your head up high, get up and smile and move forward. Trust in the “positive” because that is where you are at your best!

Much love.

A Walk Into My New Future

ImageI have to admit I am feeling a little better every day.  This month will mark one year since Munchkin went Home.  Menopause is kicking me in the butt at times with 3:30 awakenings but the Lexapro seems to kick in a little better now so my days are not so despairing as they were. 

I have gone “without” any type of medications all year because I believed I could handle this. I’m here to tell you, a little bit will help tremendously. I look back and now wish I would of asked for it earlier. So much weight has been taken off of my soul.  I can breathe with ease and look forward to my days instead of looking into disappointment. 

Today, I plan on cleaning up some things here in my office.  I have a big show coming up in a few weeks and really need to prepare for it.  I need to get some ideas together for my Team of Scentsy-ites and just get organized.  

I can see the daylight from the fog and with that I will take full advantage of what life is.  I have all of my curtains open and letting the sun shine through the house which gives me great pleasure.  

My motivation is in check and we have a big training coming up so I am glad I am ready to step up to the plate and go back to bringing in a future to all of my ladies. 

I am a leader and a consultant for Scentsy, yet with that brings me to be a motivator an inspirator and a leader.  This last year has been the worst to try and be “happy, happy, happy!”   Yet I can say my team really stepped up and took over on their own.  Some true leaders popped out and took the reigns and did things for me so I wouldn’t have to think about them.  Which I didn’t!  

Your mind goes blank, and foggy.  Your mood is poor at best and just getting through a day is an emotional task in itself.  But my Scentsy family is an amazing pool of not just consultants but friends.   And now it is my turn to give back what I am here for.  We have a home office tour training coming up and with that I have bought some balls and Pop Rocks to send out to those that have registered and are attending.  It is a fun thing and I wanted to kick it off by sending something fun to them in the mail.   Something I couldn’t even think about doing in the last few months..  

Now I can.  

Your time will come.  Life is there waiting for you.  Take it one step, one day at a time.  Get some kind of medication if you haven’t already.  It does help.  In this situation a small amount can help you see some day light.  But live. 

I’m ready.

Long Journey

I can say that 11 months has passed since you left.  A very long 11 months.  So many things have happened and I know you’ve been with us.  I look for your guidance at times, both of you actually.  But I know your guidance here is not the same as to where you are.  I ask for guidance as to dealing with the pain.  To take it away.  To let me move on.  I know how but it is the hardest thing to do, is to move the pain away and let the guidance in.  

The pain is a mother’s way of wanting to stay connected.  To still know that our love is there, yet it is now a painful remembrance.  Not the love that we want but it is the only one we can feel.  To accept the guidance that I know you are telling me, is to look beyond the pain and feel the spirit.    For when I do that, I feel all the love and the comfort and can move in another direction.  The “love pain” keeps me from doing what I want, but it is out of guilt that I do that.   Guilt as in…….you leaving before us.   Part of me doesn’t want to move on. 

The kids give us that love whether they know it or not.  Just being here, playing and arguing and having fun.  They love the new place.  So do we.  It was like you picked it out for us.  It has play ground equipment on the North side to which Cason calls it “The Park.”  He loves playing out there with his sister and brother when we get all of them together.  It was late in September when we finally got all moved in and cleaned and painted the place.  It was a lot of work, but we are enjoying it.  I call it “Serenity.”  It is less acres than we had before but more than enough for us right now.  The large Pin Oak trees are everywhere.   Your dad wants me to put up curtains on the back doors yet I love that when you walk by all you see are the trees.  It is seclusion on one side and a busy road in the front, but the scenery takes away any noise that you hear.   I have many ideas as to what to do outside.  The playground needs some attention to make it safer for the baby.  I figure it will be a spring project and look forward to it.  

Next month is your one year.  I have looked forward to it as my passing, my marker.  Knowing one year has gone by without you in it will let me know I can make the coming years.  This month so far is bleak.  I have almost finished the Christmas shopping yet I cannot stand to hear the Christmas music.  I’m not ready to be that happy, that joyous of the season.  We will get the 2 older kids next week yet I still haven’t heard from the babies dad.  I had hoped it would not come to this.  I had hoped he had broken enough hearts on this side and we could all move on.  Yet, you know where we are and you know we actually expected it to happen.  He’s been good all year with letting us get the baby, and now at Christmas and a new girl friend it has came down to us being pushed to the side.  I would of worked and had hoped we would be able to work on some sort of relationship in the future.  These are things that GOD will take care of.  I’m not going to worry about it anymore.  His Christmas will stay there until we get him.  I had just hoped it would be all 3 together since the older 2 want him also.  Youth has it’s limits and it isn’t experience that you inherit.  That always comes in time. 

I plan on stepping forward soon.  I was waiting for all of my “first’s” to happen then I can step into where I’ve been called.  To help me is to help others.  I knew I had to experience and go through all of my first’s without you before I could manage all of my feelings and put them together.  I am tired of feeling down and depressed.  It is the rocky road we have to endure.  I am looking forward to help build a bridge for those that will need it.  I have to admit I’ve done most of it this year by myself, which isn’t good.  Michelle has been there for me a lot but most of it as you know is all personal gain.  We have to walk the path still on our own thoughts and our own days to get past the pain to be able to step into our new live’s without you. 

You are not gone, I know that.  Only your physical form as I know you are with me now and giving me inspiration because I have not once shed a tear while writing this.  Touche’.   Mark that down as an accomplishment! 

Life continually changes, life goes on.  

Love Mom. 

 

PS: I’m praying for our little Jaxson.  I know GOD is watching him…..but he has had a set back and he is so young.  Be with your cousin and give her your strength.  They need it now.  Lift him up to GOD and I pray GOD will heal him. 

 

Munchkin

Munchkin

The lovely Munchkin.

Mel just turned 30 on the 2nd of January and passed away on the 21st.  My blog has to do with my Mel but I promise it will not be a memorial of sorts.  Her death was early and unnecessary.  She left behind 3 children, me and her father plus many family members.  Her adult life was troubled with one thing in general, Love.  She did not inspire a great career or to make her mark on the world, she only inspired to be loved and have a home and family.  She thought she accomplished that until her world fell apart in 2012.  Her spirit was destroyed, her family, everything she had thought she wanted was not what it seemed.   Love is in the “eye” of the beholder and those around that choose to believe.   Mel was our 2nd child.  Born after we lost our 1st.  I called her my miracle child because I could not have any more children and she was “made” and born at just the right time.  She was truly a miracle child that has gone home.

Little do you know what power the title holds over you.  This is such a powerful statement to wake up, through out the day and last thought for the night that it can and will completely change your life and your entire profile.  

Sometimes even I forget it when I get busy but when I remember it and put it back in my thought process through out the day it changes every aspect of who I am perceived and how I perceive those around me. 

If you are walking and waking without a lifeline, I’ll lend you mine.  This is your life “on a cloud.”  It will pull you up and it will strengthen you.  To me the most powerful verse the bible has and what seems most inspirational speeches, scripts and teachings all come down to.

In the last few months and for the days to follow this is my lifeline. 

I’ll tell you soon enough about our “Melissa.”  A beautiful person who would give her last cent to help someone else and yet couldn’t help herself out of her own pain. 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: