This has got to be a roller coaster and I am ready to get off.

Munchkin…….was it an accident? They say it is still under investigation. I am still in shock and it was 2 weeks ago. Did you great him in heaven?

I hate it when you get a phone call and the person on the other line asks you to “sit down.” You know it is not great news. Of course it was “here-say” at this point, but she asked if I had heard about our youngest grandson’s father being shot and killed the night before? Your husband.

“No,” I said. I haven’t heard from anyone, what happened. I got her version of the story and told her I would make the phone call. If it was true or not they would talk to me. He was (is) our grandson’s father. I had to pull myself together at the moment, I was actually shaking. While this was being told to me my mother in law and oldest grandson were standing in front of me and I had been reiterating the story to them and had Case go get his Papa and tell him what I had just heard.

After I hung up we were all in a state of shock at this news. We (me and your husband) were not on the same page in life since you passed away, but I never wanted this or any death to come to him. I had actually just spoke with him 2 weeks earlier and I had told him that I hoped in the future he gets remarried so Witt can have a mom. One that could love him as much as you did. He is only 4 and so loveable now, he could still bond with someone and that was all I wanted. I did not want him raised by just us grand parents.

His life was just coming together after 3  years of your passing.  His had just received his settlement from the accident and quit working and took Witt full-time.  I did not ask the final total but he just said he did not have to work anymore and he could finally be a full-time dad to Witt.  So even though I was a bit envious of that news (because you were a part of it all and you would have been well taken care of, financially at this point IF you both were even still together).  But it was what you were helping him with and taking care of him.   All of these moments were running through my head when I pulled up his mom’s name on my phone.  I decided to just send a quick text, “I just heard some very disturbing news about “C.”  Is it true?

……………………..and then my phone rang.  It was her.

“Yes,” she said.  “C” is gone.  He was shot in the side and they could not save him.  I just sat there in silence and let her tell me everything.  Going more and more into shock and disbelief.  He may have been shot by his girl friend, yet she was saying he committed suicide.   I have to admit I do not believe he committed suicide.  He just came into a lot of money, his life was coming together, he didn’t have to work.  He could do what he wanted and was even coaching Witt’s T-ball team.  He was finally gaining some happiness.  I don’t think I can accept the notion of him shooting his self.  Yet which ever way this turns out there is still one little person who no longer has any parents.

My heart was breaking for my little Witt.  He is only 4.  I knew he would never know or remember anything about you Munchkin, but now not even his father.  He will have no memories what so ever of either of you.

I went to church the next day and took Case with me.  Now that he is living with us I am going to make sure he goes to church.  I was being pulled so much to stop by their house and see Witt.  I just needed to be with him.  Case did not want to go.  I told him he did not have a choice.  He could stay in the truck, but I had to be with Witt.

They were not expecting us when we arrived, only Rus (“C,s” dad) and a friend were outside standing in front of an old boat that was gathering weeds on the side of the house. He told me Witt was with someone who went to the pharmacy to run off some pictures and would be right back and that Rhoda was inside. I saw tears in his eyes and told him how sorry I was.  He just slowly shook his head in understanding and introduced me to his friend.   I decided to go in and Rhoda just grabbed me and hugged me and we grieved together.  For our children were now both gone.

Like I said, this family was not at the top of my list as friends, but we were connected by our grandson and our concerns were the same for him.  Here we were united.   While we spoke for a while, Witt came home and was so happy to see me.  I hugged him up and gave him Meme kisses and it made him excited, I then told him that his big brother was out in the truck and he could go see him also.  He wanted to know if he could come home with us.   Holding back tears because it is all I wanted to do.  To get him away from sadness and despair that was to come, yet I told him maybe not right now.   To just go see brother for a bit.  He was happy and jumped down out of my lap and ran outside calling his brother’s name.   We spoke for a bit until I knew I needed to leave.  They were having to go up to the funeral home and make arrangements, so I did end up taking Witt home for a few hours until they were done.

I can not believe how twisted this life is.  We took our oldest grandson in because of him just not getting along with his father and step mother and other issues.  It was only six weeks of  school left and not the best of times to switch schools but we all discussed this and believed it was the best.  Case is happier here but we did have to have a “come to Jesus” meeting.  Basically telling him me and his Papa are not as young as we were and we do not have it in us to raise another child.  I told him what I expected out of him and if he could be responsible enough to up hold these things and be a hundred percent part of this house hold then we would all get along on a full-time basis.  Coming to visit us once or twice a month was one thing, living here was going to be totally different.  So now with us having him full-time, and then hearing about Witt, it seemed life was beginning to churn again.

I guess I could have fore seen something happening by the feelings of being drawn back to church for the past few months.  I had been having such a strong pull to have more faith full people around me. I do not know how to explain it but of a spiritual nature was calling me.  I now see it as preparing me for what was coming.  Kind of a re-charge.

God works in mysterious and silent waves through out our lives.  Here I am again.  But I am strong in faith.

Two weeks have passed and Rhoda still says they have not released their findings on “C’s” death.  She of course believes it was not suicide……………..although I also know someone from the “girlfriends” side and have heard other things….. This should get even more interesting.