Munchkin,

Time has moved and life has opened up a little more. I look back over the last 2-3 years and I can see where I was and where I am.  You have had a lot to do with that, I know by coming into my dreams so much and giving me a “normal balance” so to speak.  It has helped me tremendously and I do not and have not felt so far apart from you.

Time does heal.  I knew this from when Lindy passed on.  But then I had you to help me, and I know have just me.   Dad works all the time, still.  But that is his way.  And when I go back over the last 33 years and I mark the differences in how we are now and how we went through it with Lindy — it is all in age.  Just an age difference.  Thirty-three years is a big difference in how you handle it, but only in maturity.  We had such a hard time being as young as we were when Lindy left that it was pure turmoil between us and we separated for almost 2 years.  It was such a tug and pull between us.  We wanted to be together but couldn’t.  As time passed, it all came together.  We loved each other.  That was it.  Now 33 years later and you being 30 when you passed is not really any different.  We will not separate, I know that.  But he will work to keep his mind off of the “feelings.”  I also understand that.  I have finally pulled myself up and got a part time job in subbing for the local school.  I like it. (GO FIGURE!!) Really, I never thought I could do it.  Although I have found I like Middle and High schoolers better.  Even though I adore the younger children, you really have to be attentive the whole time.  But, the best thing about it all, is I have moved on and it makes me happy to be around the children.

The grand children, well, that is a whole new story we are now moving into dear.   C, the oldest, just turned thirteen and hormones are really kicking him in the butt.  He also has a bit of a rage side to him.  I talked to him a bit last time he was here.  I can’t help how much I love him.  I am sure all Grand parents are the same.  My love for these kids is unbelievable and at this point my 1st little man, is slowly becoming a man.  He thinks he is the only one, BUT he has the added psychological disadvantage of “missing his mom.”  A broken heart during a time he could use her hugs, and her laughs, and her love..

He made a comment to me, that “he wished she didn’t die; because things would be different and he would still be living with her.”  I laughed when he told me this, because I said “you think it would be, huh?”  You may be arguing with you dad and Tiff a lot now, but you would be doing the same thing with you mom!   The only thing that would have been different is she would not of taken any crap from you (if she thought it was from him). She took up for her kids, all the time.  But she also didn’t like her kids being undisciplined and I told him, you know she would have (Excuse my slang), “Slapped the crap out of you.”   He said no, she would have understood…     NO, she would have put you in your place!  Mel had a very stubborn side, and if it was out of step, she stepped up!   You see “C” would be eye to eye to her now because he is to me and we were the same height.  I know my Mel.  She would have had “C” act and do as a young man, and take up for him, but not take any disrespect.

But enough of that.

We are getting better my dear.

So many things have passed and instead of trying to get so spiritually deep, I have moved on to becoming just connected.  It works best.

So, If i were to offer one word of wisdom to newcomers.  Time.  Just Time.  Time does heal a broken heart.  It is slow in mending, but it does come to pass.

Looking also into updating the blog.  Need to figure on what?

Reading up on some things so we will see.

Much love,

Mom.

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