11 months, 19 days and I finally gave in.  I went to the doctor today for a follow up of another nature and decided to ask for something to “take the edge off.”  I have never taken any kind of drug for anxiety or depression but the anxiety comes in waives.  It is all emotional, nothing serious and yet I’ve had it my entire life.  Did not even know what it was for 25 years of my life until I was at a doctor’s appointment many years ago and she asked if I ever got “anxious?”  I had to ask for an explanation……once she explained I had to say yes to every one of her descriptions.  I thought that was normal.

I have a thyroid problem (controlled-disorder) for practically my entire life.  It runs rampant in my family of females and I was the luckiest of them all by having it detain my life at the age of 5.  My goiter was growing and cutting off my air supply and keeping me from eating.  I was lucky enough to have one of mine surgically removed at five years old.  When I use the word luck you should know this is being sarcastic at best.  My parents had 2 other children at home.  My older sister who was 7 and my younger sister who was 3.  Both parents had full time jobs and here I was presenting a medical case not many had seen at my age.  So I was “lucky” enough to have a hospital stay that I remember vividly but not the length of time.  I know I was there the majority of the time by myself.  Strange how at the age of five I understood that my mother and father would be there when they could.  I know it probably worried my mother and father sick that I was there by myself but the hospital was over an hour’s drive from where we lived and now that I am older I understand how companies were back then on “taking time off.”

So, fast forward many years later to get back to the anxiety issue.  Anxiety seems to follow the medication you have to take when you have Thyroid disorders.  It is a part of it and I owned it out right and just learned how to deal with it.  For many, many years.  I did not want to take a drug for it.

This time, I gave in.  For a short time.  I am very thankful that the physician I see is more of a holistic doctor and will generally treat you in foods, over the counter items and such.  I do like that but she understands that it may not be the course of treatment in all cases.  ALTHOUGH, after reading part of the “indications and usage and side effects” will probably keep me from continuing the drug as in WHY I have stayed away from these.  In the  case of my daughter, it added to her death. Not that she overdosed on this, but that she was on one of these anti-anxiety drugs.  In my own defense of life and age.  I do not have the problems a 20 year old does as in drama, friends, new family and such.

Drug prescribed:  Lexapro (I believe Munchkin was also on this).  Heading on the MedGuide form that came with the prescription:

What is the most important information I should know about Lexapro?

1.  Suicidal thoughts or actions:

.Lexapro an other antidepressant medicines may increase suicidal thoughts or actions in some children, teenagers, or young adults within the first few months of treatment or when the dose is changed.  (side note:  I’m way past teenager, young adult so I am……safe from these suicidal thoughts?)

. Depression or other serious mental illnesses are the most important causes of suicidal thoughts or actions.

. Watch for these changes and CALL your healthcare provider right away if you notice:   New or sudden changes in mood, behavior, actions, thoughts, or feelings, especially if severe.   And there are more listed mainly about the suicidal and depressive mood changes.

(This all comes from me being a Medical Insurance Claims Specialist for 20 years).  I have examined enough medical claims in the past and trained to watch for drug abuse and just everything in general.  We had to read all operative reports, all related materials, etc., etc., so anytime I receive a new medication I am still in my training mode as to reading the forms that come with these.  It is now instilled in my nature.

SO, I will watch for these signs because myself, personally I just want to take the edge off of my “almost year” and get past my milestones and get my fully functioning brain back in order.  I was just reading over “Tersia Burger’s” post on her Year.   I know exactly what she meant when she noted the changes you go through in the first year.  Your thoughts are just not where they were, you try but you just do not have it in you to proceed to the fully functional capacity you were a year before that.  You are foggy, slow, your house is messier than usual and your life just seems to stand still at times.

It’s us who are standing still.  Everyone else is still going on and having wonderful days and looking forward to the future.  We are looking forward to the day our happiness returns.   Time.  Our worst enemy and in the long run, our best.

So, hopefully I can continue in what I have planned with this.  It has been rough to say the least.  I will have so many thoughts run through my head that I want to write down and blog and by the time I get here — POOF.