Today is May 21st.  Four months from the date you left.

Today I will get Wittly.  We haven’t seen him in over a month and we really want to spend some time with him.  I know he will wonder where Cason and Leah are and I had thought about waiting until next weekend when we will have them here.  But we miss him so much and just want to spend a couple of days with him.

Today is also a passage.  Today marks 4 months that you left and yet it is the first day in the new life of so many others.  Oklahoma was just hit by a massive tornado killing over 20 children.   I have and keep thinking of those parents.  What they have to go through.   It is such a long road that is forgotten by so many around you.  The first few days and months are the hardest.

As of now I still wait for you to walk through the back door or for my phone to ring and it is you.  I know Dad is the same way.  We continue to wait for you to come home.

We still have such a hard, hard time even speaking your name.  I do okay in speaking with others as long as I can change the conversation quickly.  I can’t say your name or talk about you without being emotional.  As long as I don’t speak out loud than I can manage.   These parents are just starting.  I know how they feel from loosing Lindy at 3 and now you at 30.

That reminds me, I need to check with Michelle about what you wanted me to remember.  You said the “number 3”.  That first day Michelle called me she also said that you were telling her something about “the number 3” but she didn’t know either what you meant.  Mainly because you were telling her so many things to relay to me that she was having a hard time keeping up with you.  I pictured you doing this in my head.  It was so you!

God Bless all the parents in Moore, Oklahoma today and tomorrow and for many, many days to come.  He will carry them.  This I can tell you by faith and experience.  You will not know it but he really is carrying your pain.

You are constantly on my mind.  Every tiny thought before I close my eyes at night and the first thought when I open them again.

It will get better.

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